A former colleague asked if I’d be a reference for her as she hunts for a new job. Here’s how to respond

A former colleague asked me if I’d be a reference for her as she hunts for a new job.

I adore this person, and we frequently comment on each other’s Facebook pictures.

When I try to think of how to decline her request, I get fixated on what she might say about me when she goes to a gossipy lunch with her new work friends.

There are nearly a dozen people in my workplace who I know witnessed alarming behavior, to the point that several (if not all) should have made reports to HR.

But instead, the dynamics of my company are such that there was a lot of pressure to downplay his actions.

I know there’s some blame to be placed on a culture that does n’t effectively encourage coming forward.

People on my work's Slack regularly acknowledge and celebrate birthdays for some colleagues but others are ignored.

In most workplaces, the job of celebrating birthdays and other life events usually falls on women.

Maybe this new birthday karma that you're generating will come back to you in the form of an overly sweet cake and an out-of-tune rendition of “Happy Birthday” sung outside your cubicle .